So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
