Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
