I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
