Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
