I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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