I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
