you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
