he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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