There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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