Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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