Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
