Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
