The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
