also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
