The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
