I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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