i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize