my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize