haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
