loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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