I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
