how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
