Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
