Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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