literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
