Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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