And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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