Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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