we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
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