I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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