Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
