I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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