remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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