dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
