I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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