Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
