Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
