We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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