My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize