so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
