I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
