Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
