dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
