Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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