I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
third nipple confirmed
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
