just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
