she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
