We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
