whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
