theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
