we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
