ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize