just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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