i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
