I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
