She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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