when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
