i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
