dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
