So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
