Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
