the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
