We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
