I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Text me some of your sweat
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
