marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
