I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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