You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
