Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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