I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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