I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize