i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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