you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
