What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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