the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
