so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
