p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
ttyl tear gas
So squirting runs in the family.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
