it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
