I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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