wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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