remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
