I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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