i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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