Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize