Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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