anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
