Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
