either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
