it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
