Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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