Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
