Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
