He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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