We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
