i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
