The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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