Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
