She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
