this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
