i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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