Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
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