you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize