Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
