Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
